I'm only human, my ass.

Stand aside and separate yourself from the world for a minute. Be alone. Quiet. Soundless. Nothing. Become invisible to yourself.
What are you thinking of? Who are you thinking of? Why are the things floating in your REM memory or at a subconscious level?
We are selfish. Ignorant to an over exaggerated level. Rude. Unkind to others. Jealous. And outright apathetic of anyone other than ourselves.
Everyone is and I can say I am too.
We all are alike and different and equal. We all make mistakes. Some which are accidents and others for purpose. We have a reason though remember? We're only human.
When does "we're only human" become bigger than a reason?
At the beginning, when I asked you to stand aside from the world and be alone, you weren't just "being human". You were thinking of others. Thinking of important have to's in your world and not worrying about you.
We human beings need to do this often. Help someone in need. Give a dime to the homeless, every penny counts. Feed your neighbors cat free of charge. Smile at the people you come in contact with in a daily basis. Something. Anything.
Be different. Don't fall into the cliche saying "I'm only human". Be the difference.

To You Men.

Every girls dream is to marry her knight in shining armor. I have a question though.. Why does he become the one to ruin hope?
Men are the worst at saying things women take to heart and one of these days were going to believe them. Whether its physical, mental, futuristic, or a dream. We're going to start believing.
If you men don't want or expect something, much less anything, out of life or during a relationship, DON'T MENTION IT. You don't want marriage. Don't say you do. Don't want kids. Don't even consider talking about pregnancy. You want to be bum the test of your life, that's fine, be a bum and LEAVE US OUT.
Don't lead us to believe you love is if you don't. DON'T LIE ABOUT LOVE. You're wasting your time. Us women can get a better man to treat us right when y'all are having trouble either finding a girl to spread her legs or reconsidering the "love factor ".. Piece of advice GIVE UP! We have expectations too and assholes aren't one of them.
We do things nice for you because we DO care. Because we ACTUALLY Love you! Because we WANT a family to spend days with.. Don't or stop Ruining that factor!
We don't need you. We want you for the shear HOPE of maybe one day fulfilling those dreams those dreams you men try to ruin.

Olympic me

Watching the Olympics makes me want to get fit and stay fit. I want to be able to go out and run in a sports bra without feeling uncomfortable. Or play sand volleyball with nothing else but a swim suit on. I want to be fearless when I step onto a high dive and repel myself down into the water. I want the drive to stroke my arms over and over in record time. I want the guts to swing from bar to bar and land without deductions. Or have a memorable tumbling pass on floor that shall never be forgotten because I was the star. I want to have the muscle to stride my body over hurdles or sprint until I've gained that strength. I want the support system saying I can do it when I want to give up and walk away. I want to have the confidence in myself. I want that desire. Courage. Strength. Motivation.
I could be the next Olympian from Wichita falls to ever take home a gold medal or even have that chance to compete. We all have that opportunity, but deprive ourselves from considering what seems to be impossible.
I want to do this. Get fit. For me, myself, and for the sole reason of being able to say I did it. I can be an Olympic medalist and will be, even if it's in my own backyard.

To run

I just want to run. A marathon. Triathlon. Pull a forest gump and run for 3 years. Don't stop. Don't text. Dont talk. Dont write. Nothing... Just the road and I. I could run for hours and not stop but to eAt or drink or use te restroom. The cRazy things someone does when emotions take over.

I could do all of these things because of emotions but once they go away I'll want to stop. When does the emotion become the guidance? Why does it hve to go away to make something occur? This should be constant...

So effing confused and frustrated...

My first TBH

I've never written a TBH before so here it is.. Just a few for certain people..

To be honest 1:
•The reason I said you were selfish is because that's how you carry yourself. You look as if you're not supposed to be with someone; almost like you're looking for better.
•You've become so much better I wish you could've stepped back to see the change.
• I wasn't expecting that; to see you. You know that right? You seemed pissed to even the sight of me walking beside you. Why are you so apathetic and nonchalant?
• I'm afraid for you. You'll be a great mommy and I want to believe that...
• I respect your needs and hear your wants, but life isn't fair. You could have your cake and eat it too with one simple task: divorce.
• don't underestimate my ability to do well. Money will no longer be a pain in the behind and I will finish my degree. With or without your help.
• I envy you. Wish I was on the level you're on and have all the great success stories as you do. I will one day. Because of you
• I miss you a lot. Come to Texas more often :(
• you're beautiful. You've got a good head on your shoulders. Don't let a boy change that or anyone else for that matter.
• you're my friend but I can only handle so much of you. Don't be so two faced and we may not have problems.
• Kryptonite. One of the neatest stones with so much power.. I'm sorry I'm yours.

Has it been 3 days yet?!

So yesterday didn't go quit the way I had planned it. Thought I would mention the occasion and it blew up in my face. "what's it matter", he says. I looked at him and just nodded with a disappointed glare on my face.

Old or young you remember the small things. The first date, the first kiss, the first crush, the first prom, the first heartbreak, the first's. And you remember the little unnecessary wants that a person does for you throughout. Like a "just because" card that sings the most annoying tune or a sticky note on the bathroom window that simply reads "I love you" or even a surprise of flowers on the dresser in your room after a crappy day of work... Those small things aren't something that come with script...

Remember crushing on someone? How you gave and received a cell number and you wait all day to see if they'll say something to you but you can't call because it hasn't hit the 3 day mark yet? And on that third day it gave you something to look forward to all day, just waiting for them to notice and call...

That's how dating someone is to me. On the 9th of every month I celebrate. I may look like a fool, but I look forward to the next 30 days... I look forward to the next month telling that person how much I care about them and what they mean to me... But then maybe I shouldn't care because in the end it doesn't matter anyways and it won't for some. It won't matter. Ever.

That's disappointing.

Week 1

Completed insanity week 1. Only gets easier from here on! Being it on week 2!